Just recently I have noticed a change in the boys behaviour it started slowly untill I woke up one day to what can only be described as pandemonium. The house had been trashed and all I could hear was fighting and crying this is what I have woken upto every morning for the last few weeks now. It has really taken its toll on my health and my depression has begun to rear its ugly head again. I dont know if I have spoken about my depression before so I will give you a quick over view. I have suffered from clinical depression for almost 14 years now it started after the birth of my first son and has never really gone away since. A lot of the time it is managable with the help of anti depressants but some times when my stress levels are increased it starts to kick in again. I become increasingly tired, have a major lack of energy, become tearfull at the slightest little thing, and just want to run away and hide from everyone and everything. This is how ive been feeling over the last few weeks untill last night I hit a major melt down which culminated in a major panic attack. Panic attacks can be extremely frightening and can even make you feel like you are dying. In a desperate bid to end this feeling of hopelessness I searched the internet trying to find an online programe that may help me regain control again. I found a programe run by someone called Alexandra Massey unlike most programmes designed to beat depression this one has been designed by someone who suffered from depression herself and was able to beat it. It cost me £9.99 to join the programme but the way I see it is if it works and helps me regain control then its a small price to pay. I worked my way through the first 2 chapters of the programme last night and have woken this morning feeling much more positive and like I can beat this and find myself again. I called a house meeting with the boys and explained how their behaviour towards me, the house, and each other has been making me feel and that it needs to stop NOW. I set out a set of house rules and consequences if these rules are broken although they got very upset initialy they agreed that their behaviour had become unacceptable and that the new rules and consequences were fair. So we have spent the last 2 hours tidying up all the mess they have made and I have to say they did a great job I just hope that they continue to realise the importance of respecting their home and each other as it will surely make things easier for me and make my recovery that much easier. Today will be spent working as a team to get back on top of everything in the house and hopefully there will be a little time left over so we can do something together to help us reconnect as a family and remind us why we love each other as much as we do.
Much Love
Claire xx xx xx
